How to Cope When Someone Dies?
How to be Happy With Allah's Decision?
Divine Will Explained For a Muslim, faith means never to question Allah's decision and simply accepting that Allah has made a decision and he does as he pleases. Everyone will die and that day will come when it is least expected in most cases. So how does a devout Muslim accept Allah's decree and stay strong in their faith? One passage that illustrates the Muslim approach to loss says: "Be sure, We shall test you through fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives or the fruits (of your toil) but glad tidings to those who patiently persevere." [Surah Baqarah, Chapter 2, Verse 155] |
Death of a Loved One and Remaining Strong in Faith
Sometimes it seems that the best die young. Through a Muslim's many trials, they will be asked to endure the impossible at times. Many Muslims have lost their entire family and remain very firm in their belief. One man lost his son and he only thanked Allah that he was left with six other children. The man remained steadfast in his faith at all times depending only on Allah. The faith of this man shows how true faith in Allah is the core of existence for a Muslim believer.
A wife is allowed to mourn her husband for 4 months and 10 days only. The Muslim is allowed to mourn anyone dying other than a spouse for 3 days only. So when a woman loses her husband, no matter how painful the death is, the devout Muslim must say only "inna lillahi wa inna llahi raaji'oon." This means "to Allah we belong and to him is our return."
Hadith reported by Atiyya says, "We were forbidden to mourn for more than three days for a dead person, except for a husband, for whom a wife should mourn for four months and ten days (while in the mourning period) we were not allowed to put kohl in our eyes, nor perfume ourselves, nor wear dyed clothes, except a garment of 'Asb (special clothes made in Yemen). But it was permissible for us that when one of us became clean from her menses and took a bath, she could use a piece of a certain kind of incense. And it was forbidden for us to follow funeral processions." (Bukhari 7:254)
Once the Muslim has accepted Allah's will and divine decree, all other things are minor. For surely Allah provides for everything. A devout Muslim might imagine how Allah provides food for every ant, bug and bird in the sky; he/she may then wonder, "Should a Muslim ask of Allah more than what has been decreed?"
What is Divine Decree?
Al-qadr or divine decree is explained in many ways and it is a pillar of Islam. It is accomplished by understanding:
"Nor does anyone know what it is that he will earn on the morrow: Nor does anyone know in what land he is to die. Verily with God is full knowledge and He is acquainted (with all things)," according to Surah Luqman:-31:34.
Muslim teachings also hold that, "No disaster strikes upon the earth or within yourselves except that it is in a register before we bring it into being - indeed that, for Allah, is easy. In order that you not despair over what was eluded you and not excult (in pride) over what he has given you. And Allah does not like everyone self-deluded and boastful." Sura Al Hadeed: 22-23
Is it possible to change what has been decreed then?
Yes, it is possible through supplication and dua. By making a voluntary fast, Allah has promised that the dua of the faster will be heard and granted. A dua may not be given merit in this world, but it will be answered for the Muslim on judgment day or save the Muslim from some harm intended for them.
Saying "Al-Humdililah" (Thanks be to Allah)
According to Islamic belief, in all things the Muslim must say "Al-Humdililah." It's believed that all Muslims must praise Allah for good and bad things that are happening to them, saying "Al-Humdililah" when someone is prosperous and saying "Al-Humdililah" when one has lost a family member or wealth. It's believed that Allah is the one who provides all wealth and life.
Speak Only Good Things of Those Who Die
According to the Islamic school of thought, a devout Muslim should not speak ill of the dead. They should only speak well or remain quiet. There should be no gossip of the loved ones or friends' bad deeds. Muslims believe that it is better to speak well of that person and hide what should be hidden, than to spread gossip and cause that person harm in the grave.
Summary of Being Happy With Allah's Divine Decree
Islam has dictated how to handle the grief and mourning when a loved one dies. In Islam, the true believer is happy with whatever Allah has decreed. A good believer would never consider questioning Allah as to why an event or death has happened and they would find solace in his mercy and comfort.
At the time of death, the Muslim neighbors must provide support for the family who has lost a loved one, though it's believed that one should never encourage the family to mourn past the days allowed. Anyone who is participating in wrong in Islam becomes a partaker in the crime.
It's believed that one should be happy and rejoice that the loved one is with Allah and is in peace; there is no more pain, no more illness and no more worry. For Muslims, the period following a death is a time to celebrate Allah's kindness and by remembering loved ones; it's a time to be thankful for the time the loved one was here on earth and it is a time for the devout to praise Allah over and over again.
Resource:
"Death" Muttaquin.com
Islam Q & A
Sometimes it seems that the best die young. Through a Muslim's many trials, they will be asked to endure the impossible at times. Many Muslims have lost their entire family and remain very firm in their belief. One man lost his son and he only thanked Allah that he was left with six other children. The man remained steadfast in his faith at all times depending only on Allah. The faith of this man shows how true faith in Allah is the core of existence for a Muslim believer.
A wife is allowed to mourn her husband for 4 months and 10 days only. The Muslim is allowed to mourn anyone dying other than a spouse for 3 days only. So when a woman loses her husband, no matter how painful the death is, the devout Muslim must say only "inna lillahi wa inna llahi raaji'oon." This means "to Allah we belong and to him is our return."
Hadith reported by Atiyya says, "We were forbidden to mourn for more than three days for a dead person, except for a husband, for whom a wife should mourn for four months and ten days (while in the mourning period) we were not allowed to put kohl in our eyes, nor perfume ourselves, nor wear dyed clothes, except a garment of 'Asb (special clothes made in Yemen). But it was permissible for us that when one of us became clean from her menses and took a bath, she could use a piece of a certain kind of incense. And it was forbidden for us to follow funeral processions." (Bukhari 7:254)
Once the Muslim has accepted Allah's will and divine decree, all other things are minor. For surely Allah provides for everything. A devout Muslim might imagine how Allah provides food for every ant, bug and bird in the sky; he/she may then wonder, "Should a Muslim ask of Allah more than what has been decreed?"
What is Divine Decree?
Al-qadr or divine decree is explained in many ways and it is a pillar of Islam. It is accomplished by understanding:
- The knowledge of Allah is comprehensive and Allah is all knowing.
- Whatever Allah has willed or decree will certainly happen.
- Allah has created everything and everyone.
"Nor does anyone know what it is that he will earn on the morrow: Nor does anyone know in what land he is to die. Verily with God is full knowledge and He is acquainted (with all things)," according to Surah Luqman:-31:34.
Muslim teachings also hold that, "No disaster strikes upon the earth or within yourselves except that it is in a register before we bring it into being - indeed that, for Allah, is easy. In order that you not despair over what was eluded you and not excult (in pride) over what he has given you. And Allah does not like everyone self-deluded and boastful." Sura Al Hadeed: 22-23
Is it possible to change what has been decreed then?
Yes, it is possible through supplication and dua. By making a voluntary fast, Allah has promised that the dua of the faster will be heard and granted. A dua may not be given merit in this world, but it will be answered for the Muslim on judgment day or save the Muslim from some harm intended for them.
Saying "Al-Humdililah" (Thanks be to Allah)
According to Islamic belief, in all things the Muslim must say "Al-Humdililah." It's believed that all Muslims must praise Allah for good and bad things that are happening to them, saying "Al-Humdililah" when someone is prosperous and saying "Al-Humdililah" when one has lost a family member or wealth. It's believed that Allah is the one who provides all wealth and life.
Speak Only Good Things of Those Who Die
According to the Islamic school of thought, a devout Muslim should not speak ill of the dead. They should only speak well or remain quiet. There should be no gossip of the loved ones or friends' bad deeds. Muslims believe that it is better to speak well of that person and hide what should be hidden, than to spread gossip and cause that person harm in the grave.
Summary of Being Happy With Allah's Divine Decree
Islam has dictated how to handle the grief and mourning when a loved one dies. In Islam, the true believer is happy with whatever Allah has decreed. A good believer would never consider questioning Allah as to why an event or death has happened and they would find solace in his mercy and comfort.
At the time of death, the Muslim neighbors must provide support for the family who has lost a loved one, though it's believed that one should never encourage the family to mourn past the days allowed. Anyone who is participating in wrong in Islam becomes a partaker in the crime.
It's believed that one should be happy and rejoice that the loved one is with Allah and is in peace; there is no more pain, no more illness and no more worry. For Muslims, the period following a death is a time to celebrate Allah's kindness and by remembering loved ones; it's a time to be thankful for the time the loved one was here on earth and it is a time for the devout to praise Allah over and over again.
Resource:
"Death" Muttaquin.com
Islam Q & A